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So how do we learn to deal with alphas in society? Assertiveness is an important life skill. Even as an introverted follower, you still have to know when to stand up for yourself and assert your position.
It doesn't mean you have to have the most inspiring voice or be able to beat someone up. It just means that you can challenge an alpha's leadership with confidence and respect.
So when I see these dozens of posts pondering whether or not game mechanisms or strict rules can mitigate alphas, I wonder if these people have even tried just being assertive with the alpha in question.
I get that it's not the most comfortable thing for everyone to do. But at some point, you've got to deal with the problem yourself, not rely on external solutions.
It's kind of like having a lawn. You want it to be nice and short, but the grass keeps growing out of control.
So what do you do? Do you go on Reddit and ask if there are any chemicals you can buy to slow the growth of grass? Or do you just mow the lawn first?
You should probably mow the lawn, and if you want to search for that information later, then by all means, improve your life. But you still need to be able to mow that lawn.
I think dealing with alphas is kind of like that. No amount of online posts and suggestions is going to deal directly with a particular alpha quite like one other player's assertiveness.
And unlike a lawn, an alpha is still a human with a brain and a soul, and it might only take one or two tries for them to learn their place and realize their gaming group is not a wolf pack.
So what are some direct actions you can take to be assertive over an alpha? In cooperative games, if they are being too controlling over another player, you can step in and remind them that whoever's turn it is has the authority to make their own final decision.
You can back up another player's reasoning by stating that their action helps the team and addresses issues which are relevant to that particular player's role.
You can also lead by example and compliment the alpha on their turn, which might disarm them when they go to criticize another player.
Basically, learn to be a leader, and the alpha should eventually back down and not try to claim dominance. If they absolutely insist on being in control after all that, that's when you start resorting to things like rules of conduct or not playing with them.
Games need to be designed around this and built to keep players busy and engaged, through time pressure, simultaneous play, or limited access to information.
I agree that games can take it into account. But I think that's more of a plus for games that do than a minus for games that don't. You can always find the wrong group for a game.
Some great games would be the absolute worst for people who throw components in frustration. I don't think that necessarily makes it a worse game, just a game that isn't appropriate for those people.
I wasn't trying to suggest that people "just don't do it," but rather that they practice asserting themselves to effectively defuse alpha situations.
I think that should be a primary skill, not a last resort after scouring the universe for that perfect game that does it for you. You could say the same for competitive games: I've got nothing better to do on another player's turn, so I'll help them take their turn, or argue over who should be attacked, or get my phone out, or stretch my legs, etc.
I think it's reasonable for a game to expect players to be able to wait for their turn without these disruptions - though it's reasonable for players to expect a game to control the downtime and otherwise be paced to keep things interesting.
That's easier said than done. It's like telling an introvert to just get out there and be more social. Not everyone wants to or feels comfortable asserting themselves like that.
Also many gamers like rules and structures to help guide the social interaction. I don't like social deduction games where lying is the main mechanic, mostly because I'm a bad liar.
Should I just become a better liar or should I find a game where the rules or structure fit better to my style? My gaming group has a player that is very AP prone.
Should I just tell him to hurry up or should I find games where that it mitigated? Asking for games or mechanics where the alpha gamer problems can be negated is reasonable to me especially if they are more introverted or quiet.
I totally agree that it's valid. I'm just saying that direct action is all too often seen as a last resort, when it is in fact a valuable skill.
I used to be a terrible public speaker. I was shy, quiet, and would move around a lot. I was also very self-aware of the problem.
So when I graudtaed high school, I was determined not to carry that forward into college life. So I thought about it, and I realized that I was only shy with strangers, not friends.
So I came up with this idea that I would pretend everyone was my friend so I wouldn't be nervous, and lo and behold, my public speaking ability got way better, and I became more outgoing and extroverted as well.
My point is, it was absolutely a difficult change that took years for me to finally enact, but in the end, it was my own deliberate decision to improve that solved the problem, not expecting the world to cater to my inability to speak in public.
There will always be those super alpha people who need to be kicked out of game groups or reminded of the rules.
But likewise, I think there are those of us who are so introverted that it would do us some good to practice speaking up for a change.
We might grow as people and learn to handle more situations. Solutions can't always be external, any more than we can't always expect others to roll the dice or draw cards for us.
I say this with understanding as someone who has been there, only because I noticed that it was like a foreign concept to many people.
I look for co-op without Alpha not because I'm quiet, but because my group is all bossy and we won't get any gaming in if we all give advice.
Ok, this might be not liked, but I'm going to say something. Everyone is an alpha gamer to some degree. Imagine you have your 4 player game of Pandemic.
If there is any discussion happening at all of what should be done next, that is influensing other people how to make decisions, which is the thing alpha gamers do.
You are all working on a common goal, so if you are not trying to make people do the correct decisions, you effectively not playing to win.
This is fundamental issue about co-op games. You either have people who want to win, people who just want to have good time, and people who don't want to be told what to do.
These people don't mix well, and you end up situation where someone is going to feel bad. Either by someone playing sub-optimally, or being told what to do.
Also difference in experience is a huge factor. If someone is clearly seeing that a less experienced player is making a mistake which will be bad, it's going to be hard to not step in.
Overall co-op games function like any team based project, or work. There will be always a leader, and someone wants to be the leader.
Also it is common for more experienced team members to have more say for tasks. This really gets to the heart of it. I think we have a lot of good intuitions about these problems in team-based physical activities, where good leaders are watching the team and supporting everyone in the interests of everyone's fun and growth.
I might expect board games in general to promote that kind of social interaction, but it seems to be a stumbling block in most gaming circles.
Alpha gamer problems are leadership problems. Good leaders don't control every decision and dominate a space; they support the team through guidance and manage the space so the members can participate and enjoy themselves.
And note that my intention here wasn't to look for yet another set of solutions to alphas, but to foster some discussion about at what point suggestions, sharing ideas, and planning goes from being an element of the game to being the 'alpha problem.
We have a guy in our group who tends to alpha game even in competitive games - telling people what to do next, regardless of whether they know their way around the game.
We keep him in short leash, and tell him to back of when he goes too crazy into alpha gaming mode. At this point, we will ask him to shut up on behalf of them - but it still affects the experience.
That is something else, not the opposite of an alpha gamer. All games have ancillary goals other than winning the game, but cooperative games really do.
You try to win, but not "at all costs", since keeping everyone engaged, experiencing the them and design of the game, and having a good time yourself are all among those ancillary goals.
If it is not your turn, you don't talk about strategy unless asked. So, if the current player asks for advice, you can offer your opinion.
If they're going to make a mistake, don't try to stop them; let them. You can always explain why you think it was a mistake later , but allow them a chance to learn from it.
As the current player, avoid asking what you should do in a vague "Play my turn for me" sort of way. Ask more specific questions.
The idea is the current player is still looking at the board and making their own decisions, but gets a little assistance between which decision they should make if they're locked into AP or just don't know how the game typically unfolds due to being new.
Of course, the only co-op game I've been playing lately is Spirit Island -- with simultaneous turns -- so the above advice doesn't entirely apply.
I think the line is very group dependent. Part of the charm of co-op games to some is being able to kind of be a passenger along for the ride.
I've noticed that depending on each of our moods, our 3 player pandemic legacy season 2 game can have 1 or 2 alpha gamers, but who those are switches.
Ultimately, just be selective with what games you play with what people. If a game doesn't work with a group of people, don't force it on them.
And to that same end, don't be afraid to find many people to play games with. You'll be happier for it. I suffer from this.
My wife is bad at strategy games. Different is I learned from those experiences and hold back more. I try and talk about half as much at the gaming table as I want to.
Rather than volunteering advice when they look stuck, I ask if people want to know what I would do. Yeah it's one of the reasons I dislike most cooperative games.
I'm an alpha player and it's tough to play a game and not talk people through it and if I don't and a mistake is made that I saw before hand then it turns the experience off for me.
I do have a group of like 4 people I enjoy playing with though and I think it works because we are all alpha gamers. So we are all throwing ideas out there and then at that point it works because some turns we use my ideas some turns we use someone else's.
Typically Alpha gamers are the ones with the best knowledge of the game, so to some extent this shold be appreciated.
When more confident at the rules, players should tell the Alpha gamer thanks but I think I will try and decide for myself which move I should make now.
Maybe you can help which options I got, but otherwise I will do just fine. I honestly think most Alpha gamers will feel a load of their shoulders with others taking responsibility too, being able to lean back and relax some more.
The alpha gamer in our group thrills on taking control - even when we repeatedly and always ask him to shut up we are all very experienced gamers , he has a hard time not wanting to take control.
I think alpha gamers at least the one in our group are generally too competitive to enjoy the social aspect of cooperative games and perhaps to an extent competitive games on the same level as non-alpha gamers admittedly, huge generalisation.
I have alpha gamer tendencies mostly due to being a former military officer but I try to negate them by asking what other people think.
If there is a quiet player not speaking up, I try to engage them and ask what their plan would be and why. To me the line is don't tell someone what to do, but communicate your plan and why and get peoples agreement.
I think that's actually really solid advice for people with alpha tendencies. Not only does it give the other players the opportunity to make their own decisions, but it helps establish trust so that people might be more willing to follow you on their own terms in the future.
And that is the difference between domineering and leading. Perhaps that's part of the key to where the line is. FWIW, my own problem is that I always fall into leadership roles in real life.
I've rarely had a job where I didn't end up in management, and I have rarely been in a formal non-work group where I didn't end up in a leadership position.
It's just my instinct to step up when others are floundering, and it is automatic for me to organize and plan when encountering any situation - any at all.
By the time I walk into and across a grocery store, I have a plan and a backup plan. It's automatic for me, not a conscious process. Add to that the fact that I started playing modern board games when my kids were little, and I had to lead the group, as they were too young to really grasp the strategies right off the bat.
Now I am always particularly paranoid in board games that I'm going to fall into this role and end up coming across as a dick. I'm very, very careful to always present my ideas as a discussion and generally defer to others regardless.
And I'm always very careful to make suggestions as suggestions, never commands, and I don't get mad when my suggestions are ignored.
But I'm always afraid I'll be beaten with shoes if I speak up. It's a constant conflict between my nature and being aware that it's frowned upon.
I think you just need to talk with your group if you're that worried about it. Ultimately the way you win in a co-operative game is if everyone has a good time, win or lose.
Talk it over with them, and make sure everyone feels empowered to take their turn as they see fit. If everyone is in agreement, then feel free to suggest away.
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